I Hate Toast
posted April 17, 2001

Q: okay, do note my email address. it’s true. i hate toast. i think it’s a crunchy to soft bread ratio issue. croutons are the worst for me. i just want you to know that i have received this web site from many of my students who think my issues with toast are nuts.

you are quite the site for about 100 4th and 5th graders now.

i’ve bookmarked it, because i might not like the stuff, but i love information. it’s a great site!

– kt (ihatetoast@xxxxx.com)

A: Dear Katy, thanks for your note. I am sorry to hear we have such differing opinions on the subject of toast. However, if you’ll just hear me out for a moment:

Perhaps you hate toast simply because you’ve never had really GOOD toast. For example, if you have toast made with dense and dry bread, lacking fresh, properly proportioned toppings, the experience will no doubt be less than satisfying, and could in fact be psychologically damaging.

However, toast doesn’t have to be dry and boring. There are a large number of recipes on my site showing what you can do with a slice of toast, a creative mind, and way too much time on your hands. Yet it doesn’t even need to be that creative: one of my favorites is a single slice of lightly toasted oat bread, topped with a little butter and drizzled with fresh honey. A delicious snack that’s lower in calories than many other treats, such as TWO pieces of toast topped with a little butter and drizzled with fresh honey.

Of course, you don’t have to even eat toast to realize its glory. For example, many people find toast to be an inspiring metaphor for the American Dream, or discover that it is a reliable friend and confidant, or even just a sort of muse for general creative inspiration.

Or maybe you just don’t like toast because it doesn’t like you. But no need to take it personally - I once got into quite a fight with a bowl of stir fried bok choy that started saying unspeakable things about my mother. These things happen.

Nevertheless, even though you do not like toast, I don’t hold it against you. We are all entitled to our own opinions, no matter how wrong they may be.

Best Regards,

– Dr. Toast